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Good Things - The Best Thread Ever

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Mr Gary C, Aug 14, 2015.

  1. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    Back in the days of LMF, I created the best thread ever, where people posted absolutely brilliant things (videos, jokes, etc). Everyone who posted, made their contribution their own individual legacy and characteristic imprint on the forum. It was a happy day when Cheryl Baker came up to Leeds and presented Dave LMF with the Guinness Book of Records award for The Best Thread Ever. (Ok not really)

    Let's have a go at a new record attempt. Make as many contributions as you like. I'll start:
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2015
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  3. tome

    tome Active Member

    An elderly Italian gentleman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

    He lifted himself from the bed.
    He slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with both hands he crawled downstairs.
    With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

    For there, spread out on the kitchen table, were hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.
    Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted wife of 60 years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? The wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

    His withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

    'Get outta here!' she shouted, 'They're for the funeral!'
    JBR* likes this.
  4. Staypuff

    Staypuff Active Member

  5. runaways

    runaways Member

    Favourite Bands:
  6. MrTempleDene

    MrTempleDene Just Me Staff Member

    Mick Jagger's opened a Chinese restaurant & bakery.

    It's only wok and roll, but I like it.
  7. Staypuff

    Staypuff Active Member

    GregB likes this.
  8. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

  9. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    Football in the groin.
  10. GregB

    GregB Active Member

  11. MrTempleDene

    MrTempleDene Just Me Staff Member

    I'm watching a film with my kids in which a mans wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled.

    In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and the dad has to track and chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.

    Apparently it's called "Finding Nemo"
  12. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

  13. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    Sir John Betjeman - The Licorice Fields of Pontefract

    Absolute gem of a poem and all set to a specially composed and wonderful piece of psych music.
  14. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    One of my favourite martial arts fight scenes of all time.
  15. Staypuff

    Staypuff Active Member

  16. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    Quality scene from a great film. One of my favourite Jackie Chan films.
  17. fellowshade

    fellowshade Member

    Favourite Bands:
    The Tubes
    In the real world it is even worse...like fighting an eel.

    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
  18. bongobenny

    bongobenny Well-Known Member

    This scene alone has inspired me to buy the film..
  19. Mr Gary C

    Mr Gary C Well-Known Member

    You won't regret it. The film is brilliant.
  20. AgentW

    AgentW Member

    It strikes me that the best thread ever is the ideal place to air the worst joke ever. So here goes.

    A frog walks into a bank one morning and joins the queue to see a cashier. Ten minutes later he gets to the front of the queue. He looks at the cashier's name badge, and sees the name "Patricia Rack".

    "Hello, Patricia Rack", he says.

    "Oh please, call me Patty", says the cashier. "Everyone calls me Patty. How can I help you?"

    "Well, Patty", says the frog, "I'd like a loan, please".

    "OK", says Patty. "How much would you like to borrow?"

    "Fifty thousand pounds, please", says the frog.

    "Please wait here for a moment", says Patty, disappearing into the back room. She re-emerges carrying a 32-page form.

    "Since the loan is such a large amount", she says, "You'll have to fill this form in. I can help you go through it if you like".

    "Oh, there's no need for that", says the frog. "I've got collateral, and besides, I know the manager".

    "OK", says Patty hesitantly, can you tell me how you know the manager?"

    "George, you mean?", says the frog. "I play golf with him on a Thursday morning. Have done for years".

    "OK", says Patty again, clearly dubious. "And what collateral do you have?"

    "This", says the frog, placing a small china horse on the counter.

    "I'm not sure that's enough for collateral for a loan of that size", says Patty.

    "Oh, don't worry about that", says the frog. "I can easily pay the money back. My Dad's Mick Jagger. Can you go and ask George if I can have the money?".

    Somewhat bemused, Patty picks up the small china horse and knocks on the manager's door. "Mr Davies", she says, "There's a frog at the counter asking for a loan of fifty thousand pounds. He says he plays golf with you on a Thursday morning, he says his Dad is Mick Jagger, and the only collateral he's got is this small china horse. What exactly is this"?

    To which the manager replies ...

    "It's a knick-knack, Patty Wrack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".
  21. fellowshade

    fellowshade Member

    Favourite Bands:
    The Tubes

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